Naseeruddin Shah confesses to being an immature husband to his first wife Purveen, neglected daughter Heba, later married Ratna Pathak whom he calls the only love of his life.

Nasiruddin Shah and Ratna Pathak Shah are widely acclaimed as one of Hindi cinema’s most enduring couples, known for their honesty, mutual respect and enduring partnership. However, long before the two got married in 1982, Naseeruddin experienced a tumultuous first marriage with Purveen Murad also known as Manara Sikri, sister of late actor Surekha Sikri. The couple had a daughter, Hiba, and in her autobiography And Then One Day, the veteran actor candidly reflects on that chapter in his life, admitting that he was an emotionally immature husband and a distant father in his early twenties.The story begins in the late 1960s when 19-year-old Naseeruddin Shah was studying at Aligarh Muslim University and developed a deep passion for theatre. When her family disapproved of her acting ambitions, Purveen, a 34-year-old medical intern at the university, became her strongest supporter. Encouraged by a man who believed in his dreams, Nasir fell in love despite their 15-year age gap, and the two eventually tied the knot.However, the marriage faced resistance from both the families. Naseer’s relatives objected because Purveen was a divorcee and a mother of two, while her family worried that many younger actors might eventually walk away from the relationship. In an attempt to reassure them, Nasir even agrees to pay alimony if the marriage ends in divorce, unaware that their relationship will soon begin to deteriorate.A year after their wedding, the couple welcomed their daughter Hiba. Instead of strengthening their bond, parenthood exposed the cracks in their marriage. Looking back in his memoirs, Nasir takes full responsibility for his shortcomings. She wrote, “During her pregnancy, Purveen became really moody, and my complete oblivion of what was expected of me and my complete understanding of the miracle that had taken place within her did not help. Many serious arguments, which I have always found the worst, were the result.”Reflecting on his younger self, the actor admitted that he lacked the emotional maturity to support his wife during pregnancy.“I was unable to contribute in any way to making him feel better about himself. I also found it not easy to manage the inhibition on sex. My attention had already started to turn and zero in on R, a rather handsome second-year student who, as a prostitute in the NSD production of the Threepenny Opera, had earlier caught my fancy.”As Purveen entered the final months of her pregnancy, Nasir enrolled at the National School of Drama, where her ambitions gradually consumed her attention.“For me, without a hint of the responsibilities involved, the problems that are part of the whole deal, and then the indescribable joy that it brings, I no longer had time for the life I was helping to bring into the world; I prioritized only my own satisfaction, nothing else mattered,” he wrote.The actor also admitted how detached he was from whatever his wife was feeling at the time.“I sometimes stole some roses from the university garden and brought them to Purveen in my bicycle basket. He was happy about that, but apart from that I played the awkward teenager to perfection. The role of the father was more than my Ken.”Although her mother-in-law reprimanded her and she gradually began to help with household chores, including washing dishes, she admits that her emotional distance only deepened.“I slowly began to resent this child that was coming between me and the only woman who had ever paid attention to me; and when the child finally came, the neglect I had shown deeply shamed me even after all these decades.”Just four days after Heba’s birth, Nasir returned to NSD to avoid losing part of his scholarship due to missing classes. Although the birth of his daughter briefly improved his relationship with his father, it did little to repair his marriage.“Dad and I became civil to each other for a while with Heba’s arrival, but now with Purveen the gulf widened. His whole life now revolved around Heba and he and I had precious little to say to each other. The excitement of being on the cusp of a professional acting career ensured that I didn’t miss him at all.”Looking back, the actor says his behavior can be explained by his immaturity, though never justified.“My indifference to Heba can only be explained, though not excused, by the fact that I myself was then an insecure, twenty-one-year-old who had absolutely no idea what it took to bring up a newborn, and completely shirked my responsibilities while trying to claim the same rights as a husband at the same time.”The marriage continued to crumble as Purveen lost touch.“According to Shah the only way on earth to treat a wife was with firmness and authority. Unaware that I was completely incapable of either, I retreated into a shell of disgust. It hurt to know that I was no longer the most important thing in Purveen’s life.”He also admitted that he struggled to form any emotional bond with his daughter over the years.“I have no idea what kind of light I would appear in if I said that unconsciously for a long time I felt nothing for the child Heba, but it must be admitted. He didn’t understand at all; It’s almost as if he didn’t exist.”During this period, Nasir had already met Ratna Pathak through theatre. The two eventually fell in love but had to wait until 1982 to marry as her divorce from Purvin was still pending. According to the actor, it took several years to settle the agreed terms of the separation. In his memoirs, he referred to Ratna as the “only love” of his life.Their relationship also faced opposition early on. Speaking to The LalanTop, Ratna recalled that both families were skeptical, mainly because acting was seen as an unstable profession.“So, there was this problem, and on top of that, he was an actor. Then Nasir would often hear, ‘How can a guy with a face like that be an actor?’ Even if you are an excellent actor, survival in this profession is never guaranteed. It’s a hard life.”