Simon and Garfunkel once sang that the words of the prophets were written on the walls of the subway. They were only partially correct because gospel truth can be found in all forms of art, including cartoons. See the headline of Paul Rigby’s cartoon in the Sydney Daily Telegraph, which bore witness to the plight of England’s batsmen during the 1974-75 Ashes tour: “Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, if Thommo doesn’t catch you, Lillee must.” The line became so apocryphal that it became part of not only cricketing folklore but even military tactics when the then DGMO Lt. Gen. Rajiv Ghai used a term denoting the robustness of India’s air defense system.And for defenders facing the dictator Mbappé and his generals, they must feel the same premonition the English felt when facing Dennis Lillee or Jeff Thomson: if Mbappé doesn’t get you, Olise will. And if Olise won’t, Dembélé could. And if you avoid Dembélé…You get it because this is a truly talented French attack that threatens to score cricket whenever it clicks. Just ask Senegal and Iraq, who could not live with Mbappé and company. The scariest thing is that you get the idea that even this group is still not playing at top speed, but is just showing flashes of brilliance at their craft.Let’s take Mbappé’s first goal, in which he made the first touch with his right before he deftly placed the ball into the goal with his left, which we are told is not his strongest leg. The only things that seem capable of stopping France in this form are the forces of nature, as they did on 131 minutes before the game resumed and Mbappé found the net again, seemingly setting off a direct arms race with Lionel Messi. The latter has 18 in 28 matches. Mbappé has 16 out of 16, which is a truly terrifying figure given that this is football’s biggest stage, where even the biggest players suddenly get feet of clay.
Speaking of Messi, he is on his way to winning the only award that has eluded him in football, the Golden Boot. Messi did so after scoring twice against Austria in what was dubbed the Third Reich Derby to take his tally to five goals, and in any normal World Cup year five goals would have been enough for the Golden Boot. Except this isn’t a normal World Cup, with Haaland and Mbappé hot on their heels. Maybe it wouldn’t be a contest if Messi was better at penalties.Despite being the GOAT, the Argentine is pretty bad at penalties. Now, all GOATs have their weak points. Shaquille O’Neal was bad at free throws, averaging one out of two. Virat Kohli has never been able to solve his penchant for clumsy pawing on off-stump deliveries. And Messi is a pretty average penalty taker. In his international career, he has 25 goals from 31 penalties. Including club matches, he has 116 out of 149, just 77%.In comparison, Cristiano Ronaldooften called the Penaldo by critics, he has taken 211 penalties and still has a success rate of 83.8%, with 183 taken. Robert Lewandowski has the best record among elite players with a 91% record, while Harry Kane is 89.2 percent. Even Ronaldo’s Portuguese teammate Bruno Fernandes has a 89.3% success rate from 75 penalty kicks.Now, it should be noted that Messi often cheated penalty duties on teammates and even “assisted” Luis Suárez, but that’s still a staggeringly mediocre number for a CAPRICORN of his size.Speaking of GOATs, Erling Haaland was on hand to lead Norway to an entertaining 3-2 win over Senegal, making the final group game a challenging clash between France and Norway. Haaland, whose blond locks have often referred to him as a Targaryen, is about the size of one of the dragons from House of Dragons, especially when attacking goalkeepers. The biggest shock this time was when he actually got the ball and failed to score.Norway returned to the World Cup after 1998, when Haaland Sr. played, and they’re having the time of their lives, with everyone from politicians to fans singing Viking chants and paying Disney sports homage to a marauding tribe, but again, that’s always been directly correlated to skin color.
The next game sees France play Norway, and the internet is already awash with Batman vs. Superman memes as two of the most talented players of their generation go head-to-head. Of course, the French attack has more teeth than the Norwegian one, which is largely dependent on Haaland and Odegaard, but it could still be a pair for the ages.Finally, in the last game of the day, Algeria denied Jordan the victory with two quick goals, prompting commentators to say: Kobe would never. But perhaps the main talking point was Luca Zidane’s performance in goal. The Algerian met Nizar Al-Rashdan’s shot but was unable to prevent it from going into the net. He made two inconsequential mistakes in the first leg against Argentina, in which Messi scored twice, but he might like to point the proverbial finger at the ball.
TALKING POINT: HAVE A BALL
This was a pretty high scoring World Cup, and one of the reasons for that is the ball that FIFA uses for this tournament. FIFA told the AP that the ball is designed with deep seams to produce “optimal stability in flight,” meaning it spins toward goalkeepers and provides extra grip while hitting and dribbling in wet or damp conditions.Austria coach Ralf Rangnick told the AP: “This ball is fast as a cannonball. I think you saw today and the last few days that it’s extremely difficult to save the ball if you kick the ball in the right position.”
The adidas Trionda is unique in that it only has four heat-bonded panels, the lowest for a men’s World Cup ball. Former England goalkeeper Joe Hart noticed that the ball was coming to goalkeepers faster than they expected. The four-panel design makes it aerodynamically different from other balls and can behave unpredictably when hit with spin.That, combined with greater protection for strikers – remember how England defenders threw Maradona before he scored the Hand of God – means this World Cup has become a feast of goals.
A look at Day 13: Redemption for CAPRICORN?
Matchday 13 sees Ronaldo’s Portugal take on Fabio Cannavaro’s Uzbekistan and a talented Portuguese side will be hoping to get their campaign back on track after a poor draw against DR Congo.Cannavaro, who won the World Cup with Italy in 2006 after Zidane’s header and the curse of Sarajevo, faced a team that some might argue was even more talented than Figo’s Golden Generation, with Bernardo Silva, Bruno Fernandes, Vitinho, Rafael Leão, Pedro Neto and João Neves in the ranks. All eyes, of course, will be on Ronaldo, who stuttered in the first game and whose gravitational pull of a star, mixed with toxic fandom, threatens to derail the team and its dynamics. A lot has already been written about the storm on social networks over João Neves’ innocuous comments that were taken out of context.Regardless of the banter on social media, the question is whether Portugal would be better off without the veteran GOAT, whose sphere of influence has diminished over the years. On the other hand, anyone who has followed his career knows that his source of confidence is endless, and if anyone can make fun of critics, it’s Ronaldo. Just to put his longevity into context, 211, or 16.9%, of those who appeared at this year’s World Cup were born after Ronaldo made his professional debut for Sporting Lisbon.
Portugal’s Cristiano Ronaldo reacts during the World Cup Group K soccer match between Portugal and Congo in Houston, Wednesday, June 17, 2026. (AP Photo/Ashley Landis)
Meanwhile, England will take on Ghana and the English will find a familiar face in the opposite goal, with Ghana being led by former Man Utd assistant coach and Alex Ferguson’s trusted right-hand man Carlos Queiroz. The game has an added advantage for England’s all-time leading scorer Harry Kane, who will make his first appearance at “Boston Stadium,” but in a stadium actually known as Gillette Stadium and home to the New England Patriots and Tom Brady, the NFL’s best quarterback, who won six titles with the Patriots before winning his seventh at the age of 43 with the Tampa Bay Bukanjiri.Kane, the self-proclaimed Brady Stan, has long talked about becoming an NFL forward after his playing days are over, but now he remains committed to breaking England’s trophy hoodoo. The Three Lions have not won a major trophy since the 1966 World Cup, which they won on home soil, and while Kane finally got silverware after swapping Spurs for Bayern Munich, he will be hoping to do a Brady and finally earn England that victory. He’s not alone though, and Tuchel has selected a talented England side to flank him, including the concept of a rugby-style finisher. The term refers to the introduction of talented dying players to ensure the team doesn’t run out of stamina, with the likes of Morgan Rogers, Marcus Rashford and Bukayo Saka introduced in the final 15 minutes against Croatia.On the other hand, Ghana’s attacking ambitions are led by Antoine Semenyo, who was born in London and played for Manchester City in the Premier League.Croatia meets Panama in Luka Modrić’s 200th game, and Modrić could be both a problem and a solution for his team. The perennial World Cup winners only gained independence in 1991, but have been runners-up once, in 2018, and third-placed twice, in 1998 and 2022. This year, however, the men in red and blue look pale, although a win could help them qualify. And finally, Colombia face DR Congo whose 5-3-2 system was stopped by Portugal and who will also they have their “statue” back in the stands.All in all, by the end of Day 13, each team will have played two games, giving a clearer picture of what to expect as we head towards the Round of 16.
WATCH THE MEMES
And the winner: Hydration Break with Ronaldinho
PS: Thanks to Twitter users @SarathySatire, @vish0890, @vinit_shenoy and @n_aficionado for their submissions. If you have a meme to submit, tag @nonsensicalnemo and use the hashtag #TOIOFFSIDE.
